So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
