She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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