on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
