He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
