I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
