Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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