You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dear god my vagina.
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