sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
