We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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