She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
