What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
