If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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