Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
