Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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