my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You are a genius and a whore.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
