Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
