Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
