This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
