i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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