Umm I'm too high to move.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize