You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
