it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
