Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just want to make out with him forever
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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