All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
