she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
