I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
