my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
