at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
