yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
