i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
