We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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