Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
