Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
