I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
