she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
