your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
