Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
