she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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