All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So. Much. Porn.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize