Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
