my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
