remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
