He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
