Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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