I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
