someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
