No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
