but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
