WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
