i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
