it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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