I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
