During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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