i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
