I feel like abortions should bother me more
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
