You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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