I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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