spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
now i know why i became what i already was.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
