Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
