It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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