people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
