Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
