I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
