Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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