I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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