It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
