We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
