yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
