Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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