I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
