I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
