U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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