still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My life is pants optional.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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