omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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