6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
