I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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