...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
