when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
