Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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