it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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