do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
