He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
