I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Having a random hookup so left but love u
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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