Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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