Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize